School starts on Tuesday. It's going to be a killer schedule. Commute downtown for a measly hour of computer science and a commute back up for a solid four hours of French and Political Science. I'm okay with it -- in idea, I'm not sure how much I'll like it -- but it's going to give me space to be by myself, to listen to music, to reflect and to enjoy shopping at Eaton's Centre or book-musing at Chapters or soul-searching at Black Market. I lack the inspiration to be who I want; but hopefully a little space will give me what I need to re-organize my priorities.

...which are not reading my novels or writing the short story I started. I'm stuck in a cycle of Sim City 4 and fooling around popjustice.com or Perezhilton.com. I'm almost laying in my own filth and enjoying it. And I know it's the holidays, but a bit of my over-achieving self is suffocating and crying out for some attention. Why are the Fraser Institute Reports left unread? Why haven't I started preparing for Montréal? Why are none of the sociology chapters read? I'm stuck in a rut. I can't find any escape. Maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe it'll come.

However, one thing I do know is that applying to Ryerson won't be my escape and although I've talked to G about it, I know it wouldn't work and I would never go through with it. There are factors that are beyond me: a hysterical mother, a non-existent dad on the other side of the universe who has lost all faith in our family, and me -- indecisive and bumbling. But I know I'm in the path I set for myself in the long run. My educational path is the one thing I have faith in, even though I realize passion may not reside there anymore. I'm going to hold onto it a bit longer.